Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
