I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
