i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
