We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
