I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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