i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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