I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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