we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i out mim tonsoeep
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
