their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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