My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's great music for shaving your balls
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
