God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
