non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
