i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
