we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
