How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize