Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
