so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
