I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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