The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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