You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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