I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
