You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
