One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
