I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
