we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
