There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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