Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
