Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
