when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize