pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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