Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize