I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize