Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
