Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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