I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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