Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
