Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
