He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
