Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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