Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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