I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
