I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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