I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
