My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
