This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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