there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
