thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
