okay pat passed out under dana's car
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
