i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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