I think my fart just growled at me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize