Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
