She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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