so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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