I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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