the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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