??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
