I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
