I just saw a hot homeless man
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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