Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
