Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
