It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
