that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
